Semi-colon
Trepidation, the fearful feeling that something is going to happen. Specifically, an event, causing the body to tremble with fear...Not to be confused with anxiety which is just the overall feeling of uncertain worry over events that could happen. The two have an intricate handshake only they share...Mirror twins if you will.
September, the first of the ber’ months, the beginning of fall. September is the month, when my semi-colon tattoo becomes my favorite of the bunch. September: National Suicide Prevention Awareness Month. My favorite time of year, yet it’s the most seclusive I feel.
I once wrote letter for those most important in my life, and a plan for myself...luckily for me it was sketched in the sand, so the waves washed it away. Every year, when September rolls around I'm made out to be a scale...balancing Trepidation & Anxiety. They feel one in the same. Am I anxious for how I might fall backwards into a downward spiral? Or am I filled with trepidation, shaking to my core because I know I’ll be fighting tooth and nail to get out of bed? Maybe I just want to blame it on trepidation, for somehow that makes everything feel “even and clean.”
Regardless of my feelings beings dumbed down to either trepidation or anxiety, the ache hidden deep in your chest with the echoed whisper telling you there’s no place for you to stay...Is an ache I wouldn't wish on another soul. Although, it’s an ache I'll carry if the ones I wrote all those letters for never have to bend down and pick up. Which is one of the reasons I convinced myself it truly wasn’t worth it...I lost track of all the days I opened my eyes, for another pair who didn’t know what I was hiding behind mine. I still have a hard time asking for help, and by “hard time” I mean I don't really at all. I like to pass through the denser parts of the fog alone...I don’t want to put more on the shoulders of those I love, even though I genuinely know they would gladly help me carry that weight. I’m trying to work on fixing that, but we all know some things are easier said than done. If you feel as if you have no one in your personal life to talk too or you just feel as if you can’t get it out or don’t know how please reach out to 988. You can text or call 24/7 (Spanish or English) It’s scary to ask for help, but it’s worth it in the end...If not for you now, then for kid you who maybe had no one fighting for them but you can fight that fight now.
With love, Muffin girl <3